At the start of this year, I lost my kitten, Mia. I had found her on my walk when I was already thinking of adopting one. So I brought her home with me and it was amazing how we bonded in just one day.
She was the most playful and happy kitten ever. And also inseparable from me since day one.
I loved her and I knew she loved me too very much.
She was my very first cat and I was so happy to have her.
She would follow me everywhere, sleep on my neck and play with paper balls and with anything and everything. I had the most lovely time with her.
I thought I would have her for a long time, but little did I know she had come in my life for just a short time to fill my heart with love and happiness.
She passed away after being together with me for just over a month.
And even though it was just a month of togetherness, she made such a big space in my heart.
It was heartbreaking, heart-wrenching and the hardest thing I went through in a long time when she passed away.
Only those who have lost a dear pet will know how hard losing a pet feels, especially when you hadn’t expected it in a bit.
There’s always guilt and the thought of “What if….”
At one point I thought I would never get another pet because we’re always going to outlive them and it’s terrible to lose them and see them in pain.
I still miss her so much and still think to myself, “Why did she have to die?!”
But I always come to the conclusion and console myself with the thought that once we are born, we are of the nature to die.
Once we are born, we are also of the nature to have ill-health and we don’t get to choose what sickness we’ll have or how we’re going to die.
And it’s the same for everyone. And it doesn’t make anyone good or bad. It doesn’t make God/Universe good or bad for its in our very nature.
Also, I allowed myself to feel grief because grief is the nature of love and it brings us down to Earth.
The only way to not feel grief would be to not love and to not care and that is not a good way to live either.
I shared my heart about it on my very first podcast episode, ‘Grief of losing my pet and accepting suffering’
So I didn’t want to shrink my heart and close it for fear of losing another loved pet.
I decided to get another kitten when I felt I had healed enough and when the time was right.
Finally, I felt like the time was right and I was ready for another pet in my life.
And so last month I searched for a cat adoption page on Facebook and found one named ‘Cat Adoption Kolkata’
There I came across so many owners who were looking for new homes for their kittens.
I contacted one owner and he told me he would come and bring them to me.
But once he told me he would come soon over the weekend, I noticed the same fear cropping up again.
I had thought I was ready, but I felt scared if it was the right time and if I was really ready.
Also, another fear started coming up and it said, “What if I can’t love them like I loved Mia”
“There can be no other cat like Mia”
I also felt if I should just tell the person no.
I was getting anxious, but then I decided to just notice all these thoughts that came up and to trust myself and to trust my heart’s capability to love.
So this past week on 7th May, the day they turned exactly 3 months old, the kittens were brought home.
Yes, I adopted not one, but two.
They’re two sisters and they’re lovely.
After seeing them, all my fear disappeared and I am so happy to have them and take care of them.
They didn’t bond with me immediately as they were too scared in the new environment.
Cats aren’t like dogs so I searched on the web, “How to be friends with a cat?” Lol. And one of the answers that came up was, “Let them come to you”
So even though it was hard as I just wanted to play with them so badly, I gave them their own space and time and minded my own business going by the ‘cat rules’.
- Day 1 they were running away from me and hiding.
- Day 2 they slowly started coming out and playing around me
- Day 3 they let me pet them and one came up to me on her own and let me pet her. Soon she was purring and I felt love all over again.
- Day 4 they both started playing with me and asking for love and affection.
Today is day 9 with them and they’re both sleeping in my lap as I write this to you.
I’ve named them Elsa and Ariel. I pray for their good health and pray that they are with me for a long time.
I am glad that this time they’re two sisters who have each other too.
In many ways, they’re like Mia and in many ways, they’re not.
Mia will always have a special place in my heart, but I believe we all can love again and again, for our heart’s capability to love is really inexhaustible.
To end, I want to say that we will never really feel totally ready to start a new phase, a new chapter or do or get anything new in our life, but if your heart gets excited many times thinking about it, you should start or get it anyway.
And if those fearful thoughts come, which is natural that they will, just be mindful of what those thoughts are telling you and look at them as if they’re strangers knocking on the door and you’re looking at them through the peephole. 🙂
P.S. This was a small part of my Weekly email newsletter, Mindful Monday Chronicles.
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