Who doesn’t want to have a happy life? We all do.
But we need to be careful with happiness and understand it in order to be happy.
There are some things about happiness that I have learned, through experience, observation and experiment.
I won’t tell you how to be happy, but I’d like to share 5 rules for a happy life.
I believe it works and if we only follow these 5 rules, we will be much happier in our life.
So without further ado, here they are:
1. You shall not seek only happiness
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The first major cause of unhappiness is not unhappiness but the longing to be happy always.
We do not like to suffer even one bit.
We hate even small inconveniences and we hate being sad and low.
Yes, we’re born here to be happy and lead joyful lives, but happiness is not to be thought of as our default emotion and feeling in life.
We’re born here to not only feel happiness and joy but also the vastness of all emotions and feelings of being human.
I once heard this quote, “Suffering in life is inevitable, but pain is optional.”
As long as you’re saying, “I should be happy”
“I should not have to suffer”
“I should not be so miserable”
“I don’t deserve this sadness”
These thoughts will end up making you even more sad and it will cause you greater pain.
I know it’s natural for these thoughts to come, but you need to be aware when they come.
This is the voice of the ego that doesn’t want you to evolve and be truly happy.
If you’re dealing with a lot of unhappiness right now, for a moment try to let go of all the notions of happiness and how you should be more happy.
What would happen if you stopped pressuring yourself so much to be happy?
What would happen if you simply accepted your unhappiness and sadness and embraced your emotions of being human?
No feeling is good or bad. Feelings are just feelings. Accept it. Observe it and don’t discriminate against it.
Accept what comes and surf those waves.
Stop saying you will be happy when… or you would be happy if…
Stop seeking happiness if you want to be happy in life
Seeking is wanting and as long as you’re wanting happiness, happiness will always elude you.
2. You shall embrace what is
It will be hard for you to be happy if you keep thinking, “Why am I so unhappy?”
“Why am I feeling this way?”
“I don’t want this”
“When is this going to end?”
“Why can’t I be happy?”
We always want things to be something else other than how it really is.
If it’s raining, we want sunshine.
If it’s sunny, we want a cooler weather.
If we’re here, we want to be there.
If we’re there, we want to be somewhere else.
This is how our mind entangles us in its effort to never be happy.
We never embrace what is happening in the present and so resisting the present moment, we remain unhappy.
But when you’re feeling sad, hurt, unhappy, jealous or any of the low emotions if you tell yourself, “Well, right now, it’s like this. I can accept this or I can make myself even more miserable”.
When you accept the present moment and everything that you are experiencing, you will see that surprisingly sadness goes away.
Quit wrestling with the present moment and embrace all situations, all feelings and surrender to what is.
This does not mean that you give up and do nothing. Instead, it means letting go and acknowledging whatever it is that you are feeling.
Take action for what is in your hands.
And if it is out of your hands, simply tell yourself, “Right now this is how it is and I shall embrace it gracefully”.
Awareness and acceptance of ‘what is’ is the antidote to all depression and the recipe for a happy life.
P.S If you want to feel more grateful and positive in life, take my free 21-day Gratitude Challenge that so many have loved.
3. You shall see things objectively
To be happy in life, you need to learn to see things objectively.
Be like a scientist in your life.
Examine and be aware of your thoughts and feelings.
Separate your thoughts and feelings from the situation that you are facing.
Look at the situation objectively without your personal bias, your thoughts and your feelings attached to it.
Tell yourself, “This is the situation” and “These are my thoughts about it”.
You will see that it’s not so much the situation, but our thoughts about the situation that makes us unhappy.
The situation is as it is. It is always neutral. It is neither good nor bad. But our thinking makes it so.
Separate your thoughts from the situation and stick to the facts.
For example, someone you like may not be replying to your text. That’s a fact. A situation. It is neutral. It is nothing.
But your thoughts and story about it make it big.
It may be saying things such as, “I can’t believe he’s doing this to me. I can’t stay without talking to him. I am so sad he didn’t reply. What will I do without him?”
Be aware of the stories your mind is making up and how you are thinking about that fact.
It’s always easier if you deal with just the facts.
It’s the thoughts that make a situation harder to deal with.
Change your thoughts and you change your feelings.
The first way to change your thoughts is just to be aware of them first and to see them objectively.
Every time you deal with a hard thing, take it as an experiment to see things objectively.
Separate your thoughts and feelings from the situation and accept what is.
4. You shall stop being in love with unhappiness
We all say we want to be happy, but ever see how our actions are the complete opposite?
We act as if we love to be unhappy.
Ask someone how they are and they will say, “I’m fine” or “It’s just going on”.
It’s more normal to look sad, unhappy, depressed and talk about our problems than talking about what good happened yesterday or what good is happening in our lives.
We talk about our sadness, our ill health, and our problems as if somebody is going to pay us for it.
I see many people love to put up stories on WhatsApp and Instagram about how miserable their life is or how sad they are.
Is it really necessary to tell people that you’re sad and miserable? What good does it do?
The more you connect with sadness and share your misery, the more you attract sadness and misery to your life.
In my workplace, the moment people greet each other, I hear them talk about their bad health or something or the other that’s going wrong in their life.
If you don’t have anything bad happening in your life, it’s seen as if you’re doing life wrong.
Why has bonding over problems become so much fun?
Why are all small talks only about the bad traffic, bad weather, bad health, bad relationships or about what someone else did wrong?
These are all examples of how we love to be unhappy, even though we say we would love to be happy.
So what can you do to be happy?
Here’s the rule that you need to follow
- Be aware whenever you feel the urge to talk about your problems and don’t do it unless it’s someone with whom you’d like to share and be vulnerable.
- That urge is the ego’s need to keep you stuck in the lower realm.
- Quit the complaining
- Quit gossiping about others.
- Stop looking at yourself as the victim and trying to get people’s attention and sympathy for your problems and sadness.
- Forget about what they did or he did or she did. Stop blaming what happened in the past and take responsibility for your life. Your present and future is all in your hands.
5. You shall be who you truly are
Remember this: You are not your thoughts. You are not your ego. You are not your feelings.
So who are you?
You are your heart. You are the awareness. You are the one who sees and listens to your thoughts and feelings.
All the things that bother you right now cannot touch who you truly are.
If it’s bothering you or causing you trouble, it’s because you are identifying yourself with your thoughts and feelings, and that’s only at the surface of who you are.
The bigger truth is that the things that happen outside cannot even scratch the depth of who you truly are on the inside.
When you are YOU and seek to be nobody else, you will be the happiest, the strongest, the wisest, the kindest, most joyful and ever inspiring.
And our only goal in life should be this- to be truly ourselves.
But you don’t need to try to be yourself. Just be yourself.
Don’t try to be the best. Because you are already the best.
As Eckhart Tolle also tells us, “You don’t become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you and allowing that goodness to emerge.”
You are already who you are. You just need to bring it out and manifest it more.
I believe if we’re truly ourselves, we will achieve all of our dreams, we will be daring and there is nothing that can stop us from living a life we love.
And then, happiness will arise on its own.
So these were my 5 rules on happiness that keep me happy and not be depressed in life
I hope you embrace them in your life, experiment and see the changes.
You might also like:
- Don’t seek happiness if you want to be happy and seek this instead
- 21 Habits to be happy in life
- 13 Rules that keep my life simple
- How to change your life in 7 days
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